You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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