I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
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