I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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