If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
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It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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