My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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