My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize