You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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