Someone shit on the floor
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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