The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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