saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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