At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
two words...techno handjob
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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