Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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