New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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