dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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