From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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