you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize