sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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