so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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