your parents love me but you hate me
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize