u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize