"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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