Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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