My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize