The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize