i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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