I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
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His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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