I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize