u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
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Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
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Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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