And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
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There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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