I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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