i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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