I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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