he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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