I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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