you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
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Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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