he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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