im about as happy as oj after his trial
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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