life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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