I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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