I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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