We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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