it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize