2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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