We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize