his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
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What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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