I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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