i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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