So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize