What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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