went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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